AITA for refusing to give my boyfriend’s daughter a gift after she already rejected it?

I really didn’t think one Christmas gift would turn into this much drama, but now I’m wondering if I handled it all wrong.

I’m 27, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about three years. He has two daughters, one is 10 and the other is 13. I get along really well with the younger one. With her, I’m kind of like a big sister or an auntie figure. But the older one has never liked me, and she makes it pretty obvious. From my point of view, it’s not even really personal anymore. It feels like she just doesn’t want her dad dating anyone at all.

This year, my boyfriend had the girls for Christmas, so I decided to get them both presents. I bought them matching style necklaces, just something thoughtful and simple. The 10-year-old was excited right away and loved hers. But when the 13-year-old opened hers, she got huffy and said she didn’t want anything from me. She flat-out refused to accept the gift.

That honestly stung.

I tried not to make a huge deal out of it, but it was awkward and hurtful. What made it even weirder was that after she rejected it, the younger daughter opened the necklace and I could tell the older one actually did like what I had picked out. But since she had already made it clear she didn’t want it, I decided to keep it for myself. In my mind, it was a rejected gift, and I didn’t really know what else I was supposed to do with it.

Then today, out of nowhere, the 13-year-old called and said she wanted the necklace.

But there was no apology. No acknowledgment of how rude she had been. Nothing. She just told me it was “hers” and that I needed to give it to her because I had already bought it for her. That’s where I hit a wall.

I told her it wasn’t hers anymore, because she had refused to accept it in the first place, and I wasn’t going to give it “back.”

She got upset and complained to my boyfriend. To his credit, he told her it was up to me whether I wanted to give it to her or not. But now I’m stuck questioning myself. Because part of me feels like I was justified. She rejected it, and I’m not a vending machine where you can be rude, change your mind later, and still expect everything to be handed over.

But another part of me knows she’s 13.

And when I really sit with that, I can admit this probably isn’t just about a necklace. She’s still a kid. She’s probably still dealing with her parents not being together, and I know I represent something uncomfortable in her life. That doesn’t make the way she treats me okay, but it does make it more complicated. Maybe what looked like attitude to me was really hurt, confusion, or just immaturity.

Looking back, I think I reacted more from my own feelings than from the bigger picture. I felt rejected, so when she came back asking for the necklace like nothing had happened, I dug my heels in. Not because I desperately needed the necklace, but because I didn’t want to reward the behavior.

Now I’m realizing this might be one of those moments where being technically right and handling it the best way are not the same thing. I still don’t think she was entitled to it after rejecting it. But I can also see that if I want any chance of building a better relationship with her, this probably needs to become a conversation, not a power struggle.

So now I’m wondering if I was standing up for myself… or just making things harder between us.